I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
