in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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