i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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