you have to choose: penises or morals?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
