He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize