I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
