So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
