I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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