She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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