oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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