yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
