what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
