Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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