My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
