come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
