One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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