I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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