12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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