I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
