I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
