I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
