Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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