Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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