she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
