so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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