You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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