i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
im on a boat
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