dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize