I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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