I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
