I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
