The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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