They should really pass out barf bags in church
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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