I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize