If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
