all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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