I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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