I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
two words...techno handjob
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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