i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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