Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got inside last night via doggy door
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
