don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
