if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
