I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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