I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
