I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
