I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
