My liver just broke up with me...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
