i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
