and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize