Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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