I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize