my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
