maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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