Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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