So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
