hotel room ftw
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
