She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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