is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
