He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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