I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
