Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
