She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
