haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
