YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
