you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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