I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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