it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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