i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He shit in the fireplace
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
