I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
