It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
