so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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