party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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