You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
