i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
