These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize