the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize