I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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